The Showmans Prayer

O my God, I believe in you. I trust in you. I thank you for all of
my blessings. I love you and ask forgiveness for all my sins. Guide
me and protect me and all those dear to me. Make me mindful of my
privilege as a showman to bring joy and happiness to all
people...especially the poor, the lonely, the less fortunate.
And when my last act on earth is completed and the final curtain
falls take me to yourself to be happy with you forever.





I wrote this song when I heard about the untimely passing of my friend Felicity. She was a wonderful performer who knew how to do fire stunts, she walked on blades, and could crack a whip like no one's business. She was a spitfire beauty who is sadly missed. The hole left behind can never be filled. I met her when I was traveling through San Francisco and she was staying with my friend, Chicken John. She spent the last years of her life traveling with her man and her pig and her Wild West show in carnivals across America.


by Mandee



An informal gathering for friends and family will be held at the Chez Poulet on Thursday night beginning at 6PM.
3359  Cesar Chavez @ Mission
Felicity Perez, who left us May 28, 2008 at age 36, was loved by audiences of the Dream Circus, Cantankerous Lollies, Circus Redickuless, Exotic World, bindlestiff's family circus, Ward Hall's World of Wonders, and others too numerous to name... Her inquisitive nature never stopped learning new skills and techniques. She never said the word impossible, and was always an inspiration to her peers and her audience. We are impoverished by her tragic passing and are all very sad.
If you have images or video you would like to share, please email them to

I will bring a book to add images and stories through the night, which I will send to Matthew Molotov Bouvier, her husband, after the memorial.
If this brilliant dark star of the stage touched your life or the life of someone dear to you, please join us in remembrance. She is already missed...

Also online for a link at:


Another me


Another Memorial/Celebration


has been planned in honor of Felicity, this one down here in L.A. where her mom and family live.


Please help to get the word out if you know of any of her friends here in the area.

It will be taking place on Saturday, June 14th in Valley Village (North Hollywood) at the home of her aunt Ann-Marie.


It will get started around 2pm but will go into the evening for those who work during the day.


This event is open to all, everyone is welcome.


The location is at a private home, for more info people can call her aunt at: (818) 438-1559.

Take care,



Thanks for the mention of Matt and Felicity on your site. I loved both of them very much, it


I wrote a tribute poem/song for her yesterday, I thought you might like to see it, I have it posted on my myspace and tribe blog for friends viewing only, but of course can't record it just yet, I can't even say the words with out crying, but if you like to see it, it's called "Goodbye Felicity Perez" by Phat Man Dee

A song For Felicity Perez, who left us yesterday May 28, 2008 at the age of 36
I really looked up to her, she was so beautiful and such an entertainer. She was a wonderfully strong woman with more showmanship and heart than anyone I have ever met. I have not been able to catch up with her in recent years, but the few shows I did with her always left me breathless and inspired.

I starting working on some verse for the following piece last year, I thought I was writing it for the impending loss of Coney Island, but something wasn't right, so I left it for another time, which unfortunately was today.

"Goodbye Felicity Perez"

by Phat Man Dee


Goodnight to the sideshow, Goodbye my tattooed Queen.
It's time to go home, no matter how far you did roam,
Take with you our greasepainted dreams.

A chorus of bearded angels,  with their phalanx of fat men proud,
One fire eating dwarf is all we'd need, to part that mournful crowd.

We cry into the heavens, Up to there you did walk on your blades,
No one can find the tent anymore, We can only see your grave.

This grave that holds our princess,  she was the belle of the midway true,
But not even that famous Golden Voice can sing back the girl we all knew.

Cuz she left us on a Wednesday, Thursday rose dark indeed,
The carnival colours faded, from a tragic bullet she didn't need.

She made the people wonder, sigh and gasp when they saw her show,
They came to see a beauty, but so little of her did they know.

Her lovely figure held their gaze, the crowds ogled on and on,
Twas her skills with fire and sword that amazed, and caused me to pen this sad song,

So sing Goodbye to the Sideshow, Goodnight my tattooed Queen,
When you finish climbing your ladder of blades,
Into Heaven, dear, please take my dreams.


Phat Man Dee



I met Felicity in San Francisco when she was had become involved with Mathew Bouvier, whom she would later marry. I had met Mathew, or Molotov as he was know, earlier when he was performing with an alternative circus group at a festival in Davis, CA. Both Felicity and Molotov had a dream of living a "real" sideshow life. That is to say, they both wanted to live a fully nomadic lifestyle and perform on the fairground circuit. Unlike many other people, they were quite willing to make the many sacrifices that it takes to make this
dream a reality. They were eager to quit their jobs at the prospect of touring with a tent show. They toured with Ward Hall's World of Wonders show for several seasons and them bought a motor home.

I brought them out for a coast to coast tour of Canada one year, knowing that they both knew that demands of a touring how and were both "troupers" and very well practiced. My nightclub tour must have been a breeze compared to outdoor shows that they had honed their skills with. I also brought them out for a few college shows and we went to a few conventions together. Some of this is in this article about them that appeared in SF Bay area newspaper:


Soon they were on the road full time. I would only see them a couple of times a year. When I moved Las Vegas, I would see them at the big outdoor amusement trade show. I learned that they had gotten a wild west show that toured in a fold out trailer. They did western stunts, knife-throwing and sword swallowing.

I don't think that I had seen them in a couple of years, and now I get this shocking news of Felicity's tragic death. I don't know that I can write anything that has not already been said, but all I can think is that Mathew must be in a place of deep grief and I offer my sympathy to him and to Felicity's friends and family members. I will post info about the funeral when I find out about it, and hope to get an address to send cards and condolences to.

When someone dies I have learned that this is a time to remember all of the good times and good things that this person brought to the world, and I have many happy memories of Felicity, something that I am sure that I share with everyone who knew her.

Tim Cridland



Sorry, but I'm just at a loss for words here......

........... Felicity became a pretty close friend of mine, along with Matthew, when we worked and played and went out for sushi and practiced our respective arts together and......

Oh, $#!+.....

This one really sucks...

I missed their marriage, at Ward's hand, and could have kicked myself for that..... The three of us "ran" the World of Wonders at the 2003 Florida State Fair, where we worked our butts off despite the stalled economy and the fact that this was the beginning of the Iraq War....We shared the stages together.... We enjoyed each other's company in
Winter Quarters, on the road, and at area restaurants.... Felicity introduced me to Mexican sushi.... I helped her improve her fire eating skills and watched her practice being Matt's knife-throwing target, among other things.... All of us who knew her, worked and
played with her, or just met her, loved her like a sister, nearly as much as Matt himself did. We'll all miss her terribly, and I grieve along with Matthew for this terrible loss....

......So many things I could say here, and yet.... I'm at a loss....

Godspeed on your journey, Cha-Cha.... We all loved you....




We're heartbroken at the passing of our Felicity who Chris nick named Cha Cha.  It seems such a short time ago that Felicity, Matthew and David Apocalypse joined our show.  Their beginning of what was to be a successful show business career. Matt and Cha Cha contended with Spartan living conditions and the hard work of a tented touring show.  She was right there to help on the set up and teardown, working as hard as any of the guys, harder than some of them.  Without complaint she did whatever task was to be done around the show.  She didn't have to be told, or asked.  If she saw something that needed to be done, she made the effort. 


Both Matt and Cha Cha  always wanted to learn more performing, and in what little spare time they had, they would be practicing to improve upon and perfect a new stunt adding their own personal innovations of true showmanship.  Chris taught them the basics of knife throwing, and sword swallowing, to which they would add their on flourishes of great showmanship. 


I have never been so honored in my life than I was when they asked me to officiate at their wedding.  I don't recall ever asking them how they found out that I am an ordained minister,  They were married at our home in Gibsonton. It was glorious.  When Felicity descended the stairway in a gorgeous formal white wedding gown with train and veil, she glowed with the aura of the angel she was.  As she proceeded through the room over-flowing with their family members and friends to the classical weeding  music provided by their friends Johnny Meah playing the organ accompanied by Roy Houston on drums, to Matthew her groom and Chris his best man,  Their happiness touched everyone in attendance.  That is the picture of  Felicity that I shall always hold in my heart. 


We are heart broken for this tragic accident that has taken Felicity from us.  I am only calmed by the knowledge that she is now standing in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ, and that there will be a time that we will all see her and be with her in Gods Heaven.  As I am writing  this, God is blessing Felicity.  I pray for God to lessen the terrible pain that Matthew is suffering now.  Matt is a strong, talented man who will continue in this life.  He will be presenting the show as they had planned, for this is what Felicity would want him to do.  Certainly they, and now Matthew truly know the creed of the show world, "The Show Must Go On"  and Matt who has overcome many set backs and hardships in his life, will be sustained by Gods love now and in the future to carry on what he has been appointed to do. 


God Bless You Matt. and remember these three words that apply from Chris, Pete, Jimmy, myself and all of your many friends:




 I am always as close to you as your phone. 


 With my condolences and best wishes,












Matt and Felicity on Dec. 23, 2008 in Phoenix Az. at their Wild West Show- right after their performance.


Image Courtesy of John Strong Jr.


Farewell to a Friend Felicity Perez

A dear friend in the Burlesque/Sideshow world has passed away.


This friend and colleague is Felicity Perez.

She was an original member of the Cantankerous Lollies from San Francisco and then went on to form an old time sideshow duo with her partner and husband Molotov Malcontent.

I met these two via my friend/partnership with Suzanne Ramsey, Harvest Moon and the original Lollies.

We began working together back in 2000-01.

Molotov and Felicity became good friends of mine and helped create the better half of some of my Cabarets in Portland Oregon.

When I was working on the Exotic World benefit in 2001/02 known as the Kit Kat Follies, they were an enormous help and hosted the event, going on to co-host the Miss Exotic World show I was involved in producing in 2002 .

They stayed at the EW ranch and helped Dixie and Charlie until they got a gig in Gibtown Florida where they relocated to be with beautiful sideshow community there.

Felicity was very young , but motivated and filled with spirit and was a true, straight-forward person through and through.

No success ever tarnished her ego ,she lived life in the moment and always recognized her friends.

She was one of the first's in the Burlesque revival, but more importantly, she was a definitive first in the revival and collaboration of Burlesque and Sideshow before the mediums became over run with trendy wannabee's, she was the real deal.

She was an organizer, manager and show director at the Lusty Lady in San Francisco.

She worked with the Cacophony Society and it's various off shoots, performed in the more creative fetish scenes and was a regular in the sorely missed Stinkie's Peep Show, worked with the Lollies and then with Molotov, Bindlestiff Family Circus, Girly Freakshow and countless other above and below ground presentations.

She was beautiful inside and out, not a mean bone in her body.

She had balls, courage, was beautiful, resourceful, caring, goofy ,wild and naive.

Sunshine radiated from her entire being.

Even I could not be in a glum mood around her, and that say's something!

I am in complete shock and do not even know how to understand or convey what happened to her, but here it goes.

She was with her husband Molotov at a friends ranch in Texas taking shooting lessons.

All I know at this point is that she was handed a loaded gun and as she took it into her hand it backfired.

She suffered a gun shot through her stomach and she died quickly in Molotov's arms.

To my knowledge, there are no allegations of foul play, it was just one of those things where something went wrong.

I have to add that this was a woman who played with fire, knives ,swords ropes and danger on a daily basis.

I do not know exactly what detail was out of place here but I can say that it is far too easy to lose perspective in the blink of an eye or less.

I have shot a variety of guns, not very well I might add, but it is such a tricky thing.

I have also practiced spinning and handling prop guns and that isn't easy either, but never attempted any trickery with a loaded gun.

It is far too easy for a gun prop or real to hit a knuckle or palm the wrong way.

When spinning, it can catch on the most minute piece of skin and go awry.

I just have to add once again, that it makes no difference how familiar one is with dangerous objects, you can never turn your head for an inth of a second, because it is all about physics and it is physical, chemical and unbelievably fast!

I have been obsessing every moment since I heard this news about how and WHY this happened.

I cannot even begin to express how it is driving me crazy!

I can't stand it and I wish I could take myself back in time and watch the whole thing in slow motion and stop it at the imminent time, but I can't.

What I can say is that you who are reading this and knew Felicity, worked with her or simply druelled over her or marveled at her work, to just remember how lovely she was.

For those of you who joined this game later and never knew of her, take time to find out about her and thank her for paving the way for you who want to combine beauty with danger and acknowledge her humility, practicality and sublime absence of egotism, because remembering Felicity reminds me of the enthusiasm and resource-fulness of so many of us who were rediscovering the lost art of Burlesque and Sideshow in the early 90's and the comraderie and dare I say it, sisterhood and support that existed at that time.

As much as I detest the term DIY these days, because it has become a tag word and not a creed, those times were seriously DIY.

You do your research, talk to the old folks, brainstorm, have your craft night, clean the toilet one day, KP duty on the other and have a ball together stumbling over your mistakes while running towards the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (which may only be a sprinkler) and support your friends and keep the dream alive.

This was and is Felicity Perez.

But please, send your heartfelt thanks and prayers to her memory, and please send your love and blessings to her beloved Molotov.

We cannot even imagine what he is experiencing at this time.

I love you and cherish my dear Capricorn sister Felicity.

You gave me, but not only me ,but many people much happiness and inspiration.

Kitty Diggins




I first met Felicity and Matt in 1998 after I was released from being incarcerated in California, At that time all I did was live, breath and dream magic and they saw it in me and Felicity asked me to be in her burlesque show and I said okay.  Then I also became a
part of The Almost Lucky 13 Sideshow doing the Magic! In that Show Cha Cha was the ring master and you could see in her what she would become one day!


In 1999 we all did our last show together here in San Francisco and all went our separate ways and in our troop there was about a dozen of us and the whole time it was Felicity and Matt who held it all together and they were quite the pair made for each other!


They went on to perform across country with The World of Wonders! Some years later I got this call from Matt in Peoria Illinois saying they needed a talker because David Apocalypse broke his collar bone and they needed another smooth talker, So I went to Illinois and remember it all so well, it was a great experience and I learned a lot which changed my life for ever.


I remember going out to the store with Cha Cha and Zizi for something like an hour before
the show Felicity Driving Wards Van! She was a great friend and always concerned about her friends! I also recently worked with them in The Great American Frontier Show out of New York and Felicity and I spent a lot of time putting that show up and really talking.


Life was really cut short for her she was a REAL LADY & FRIEND!  She will be missed greatly, I wanted to see her one last time today at her funeral but I could not get the money together for a flight there just one way! She was my soul sister and I will greatly miss her and my life will be seriously missing something with her gone from us!


I loved her like my real sister!


Stephen David Baker!
Mystic Marlow



Felicity, How we love thee...

I first met Felicity in SF back in 93.

When I got a space at 110 Capp and asked different friends to join me in putting together a performance she was there all the way.

She was our Kali dark goddess, fearless!

Ape Theater and the 'Tree of Life' would not have been nearly as fun or amazing without her.

Camping in the desert, the hot springs, before Burning Man and the performance we all did; memories I will always treasure.

Halloween... (we'll leave that story for the crew to remember) I only remember smiles, good times, 'Love and Guts'

I will remember you, miss you, love you... always

Tim Pickerill



We Will Miss You: Felicity Perez (1972-2008)

The San Francisco underground arts world lost a cherished member of its family last week. Felicity Perez was a wonderful, dedicated, beautiful performer who graced numerous stages in this city and around the country. She co-founded the burlesque dance
troupe The Cantankerous Lollies (dating back to 1995). She performed in the Opera at Burning Man in 1998. With her longtime partner and husband Molotov Malcontent she performed classic sideshow tricks like knife-throwing, fire-eating and walking on glass for crowds large and small; together they followed their dream to go on the national circuit, touring with the legendary Ward Hall King of the Sideshow. Felicity died as the result of a
shooting accident, when a rifle that a friend was loading in order to teach her how to shoot discharged unexpectedly and uncontrollably. She was shot in the stomach and passed away quickly in the arms of her husband Molotov. This tragedy touches everyone who knew this shining vivacious performer and loving friend. We miss our dear friend and grieve also for her beloved Molotov for the shock and unimaginable loss he must feel.
Felicity was a dedicated performer always working to add to her repertoire. She was committed to the arts she practiced and a valued member of the communities of Sideshow and Burlesque performers. She and Molotov will always be a part of the extended family of the San Francisco and Burning Man arts community.

She was loved, cherished and admired by all of her friends. She performed for literally thousands of people around the country. Amazing, amusing and delighting every one of them. All of us who knew her are remembering her now. She was a bright light and she
continues to glow within so many minds and hearts right now.



Felicity, most of my time spent with her was on the road with her and Matt.  She was the inside act I was the outside talker.  I'd tell people about what an amazing sights they'd see inside. 


The Strange Girl, Beautiful, Fearless. 


I'll never get to do that again, but, like she would always do she's made my job easy, because anyone who ever knew her knows just how spellbindingly beautiful she was, what an incredible performer she was.  From her family who knew her  her whole life to the kids who only saw her a few moments in the show, she's touched us all.


Cha Cha made me a better showmen and a better man.


Thank you Felicity,

Happy trails      

David Apocalypse


Memory of a(n irradiant) Ddark Saint...



Header image inspired by a photograph from Getting to Know Felicity


Felicity Perez


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