After we closed, before we went to bed, I had to show Dad the gaff on my boy and girl thing. He looked at Mom and said, "He's a chip off the old block, all right." He gave me a big hug, put me in bed and gave me a kiss on the forehead and said, "Goodnight, asshole."

I didn't know it but the half-and-half  in Dad's show was demanding more money and threatened to quit working if he didn't get it.

The so-called half men and half women were, for the most part, female impersonators that shaved all the hair off the left side of their body from head to foot, then donned a bra with one boob, a long haired wig, an evening gown split down the middle and a woman's high heeled slipper on the left foot and a man's shoe on the right. Showing the sex organs was unheard of at that time.

Well, when Saturday night rolled around, Dad informed Miss Carlyle that her services were no longer required.

With me, I was a natural for the part, with my smaller left foot, leg and thigh, my high pitched voice and chubby breasts plus the fact that I could show my girl and boy thing.

During the next week, Dad changed the names on the Half and Half banners from Carl Carlyle to Thomas Thomasina. I guess that was because my middle name is Thomas.

Mom went to the library and got all the books she could find pertaining to hermaphrodites and the byline on the end banners read "The Son of Hermes-the Daughter of Aphrodite, brother and sister, joined together in the same body.

Well, I did the hermaphrodite bit for over six years and fooled thousands and thousands of marks, including nurses, doctors, interns and I bet you everything I own against a one dollar bill.

If there are folks still around that saw Thomas Thomasina back in the late twenties or early thirties, they will swear on a stack of Bibles three feet high that they saw a real, living and breathing hermaphrodite.

I still remember the line of crap Mom taught me to tell the marks after they came in to the blowoff. I started off with "I was born in Glasgow, Scotland, of normal parents. My father was a sergeant in the army and my mother taught school at the Academy of Learning in Glasgow. I went to school as a girl, until I was seven years of age, then I noticed a growth on the top of my vergina, my mother thinking it was an enlarged clitoris, paid no attention to it. But it continued to get bigger. When I started to urinate from it, she got worried and took me to our family doctor. After a close examination, he found out the growth wasn't an enlarged clitoris, it was a penis! I've been examined by doctors all over the world and they declare that I'm a genuine hermaphrodite.."


Now for the second gig.

"To those of you who don't believe that I have the sex organs of both male and female, there's only one way that I can prove it to you. That is to show you and I will, back here inside this enclosure."

Mom would draw a curtain across the half of the blowoff and then say. "The price is fifty cents for those of you that would like to see her expose the sexes, please step this way." And then she would knock 'em loose for a half buck more.

After all the marks were in the enclosure, I would sit in a chair on a raised stage and open my legs apart and show my boy thing and my girl thing. To make the girl thing look more realistic, Mom would dab a little bit of lipstick in the crease and with two fingers, I would spread the crease apart just enough for the marks to see the pinkish red. That clinched the deal.

After flashing my girl and boy thing, I would say, "If there are any questions you would like to ask me, kindly stay behind and I will try to answer them."

Well, these two sophisticated looking broads stayed behind and asked me how often I menstruated. Hell, I didn't know what they were talking about, but I took a shot and said "three or four times a week." Well, the broads must have thought I was joking and they went out laughing. Mom said, "What did you say to them marks that was so funny?" I answered, "They asked me how often I demonstrated." Mom said, "you mean menstruated.
What did you tell them?" I replied "I told them three or four times a week." She busted out laughing and said, "From now on, if anyone asks how often you have your periods or menstruate, tell them once a month."

During the years I worked the half-and-half, Dad bought new cars, trucks, a complete ten-in one, new banners, tents, house trailers and a new aluminum banner line.

Then my voice changed and my boy thing grew bigger. 

To be Continued


Posted here courtesy of Midway Publications - Copyright 1999 William T. Usher All rights reserved


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