I'm Seventy Nine, I Reckon I'm an


Endangered Species


I drove thousands of miles trying to find them and once in awhile, I would find one.


When I would try to buy an Amusement Business magazine, none of the new breed of carnies would sell me one. They said they never heard of Fats Usher and this went on, and on, and on.

I finally woke up to the fact that I had been out of circulation for over twenty five years. That was more than Rep Van Winkle!


It was like going into a new world. The cities, the towns and the villages had grown so big. To me they were unrecognizable. Most of the small fairs that we used to play were nonexistent. On the grounds where they used to be, were shopping centers, fast food restaurants or government housing projects.

Owing to the fact that I had no relatives left and was all alone, except for Gee Gee, I figured that I would go back to Mountain City, Tennessee. I thought that I might be able to rent a low-cost apartment in one of the government housing complexes. I was able to locate one that I could afford, but they said no pets.

Then I remembered that David, a friend of mine, had told me that his mother's home had been destroyed by fire and that the dog she had for five years died in the fire. He told me that if I decided to find Gee Gee another home, she would be the one to see.

He also told me that she had a nice home with plenty of room, well off the main highway. His mother had met May and seen Gee Gee about a year or so before and had commented that she would love to have a little dog like her. I thought it over for a minute and told him that it sounded good to me and asked him how I could get in touch with his mother.


David said he would call her right then. He went in the house, got the cordless phone and called his mother, who lived down in South Carolina, about a hundred and twenty miles away. He talked for a little while, then handed me the phone, saying that she wanted to talk to me.

After I said "Hello," she said, "Are you Gee Gee's owner," and I said "Yes, ma'am I am."

She said, "I sure would like to have her. I'll guarantee you that she will have a good home with plenty of food and love. Honeybee, my dog that I lost, used to sleep with me every night. If I had some way to get up there, I would come up and get her and bring her back home
with me." I thought that I would like to see what kind of environment Gee Gee would be moving into, so I told her that it would no problem that I would bring Gee Gee down there to her. She sighed, "Good! I'll be glad to pay you for making the trip."


It was early in the morning, about nine o'clock, so I got her phone number and address. Gee Gee and I left for Union, South Carolina, to meet her new Mom and to see where she was going to live.

When I drove into the driveway and parked, two little kids came running out of the house, followed by a woman in her early fifties. As she walked up to the van, Gee Gee wanted out to wee wee, so I opened the door.

She ran across the lawn to the far side, squatted and wee weed. Then, like always, she stomped her back feet on the ground and ran over to the kids, barking and wanting them to play with her. She jumped on one and he fell backward onto the ground, starting to cry. Gee Gee put a stop to that real quick, by licking his face and the kids laughed.

The woman called to Gee Gee and she came on the run. She picked Gee Gee up, held her in her arms and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. I knew that I had made the right choice, so I got Gee Gee's leash, water bowl, dog food and blanket and handed them to the woman.

With big smile, she said, "Do I get the auto tag along with her?" I had forgotten that I had painted a tag for the van, saying, "Beware of the dog, she's small but she knows Rung Fu."

Well, after she took the tag off the van and handed the screwdriver back to me, she reached in the back pocket of her jeans and took out a billfold. She got a twenty out and started to hand it to me.

I told her no way and pushed her hand away and told her to just give Gee Gee a good home. She assured me that I could be sure of that. I reached over, rubbed Gee Gee's ears and said, "Now, you be a good girl and listen to what you new Mommy tells you." While I talked, she cocked her head and raised her ears, just like she understood every word that I was saying.

I rented the apartment, bought furniture and moved in. Now, all alone, unable to do manual labor, I write video musicals, stories and a few jokes to keep from going bananas.


I'm seventy nine, so I reckon that you can say that I am an Endangered Species.


So, when you see a retiree,

You may think that he's no longer a necessity, But every nursing home you see They say, Welcome the retiree. But if it's up to me There ain't no nursing home gonna get me, 'cause,

"Better get you tickets now, while the bargain sale is on, after the sale is over, it'll cost you the regular price to see the half boy and half girls, and the world's fattest woman!"



The End


Posted here courtesy of Midway Publications - Copyright 1999 William T. Usher All rights reserved


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