"That's a No-No!"


The next morning, Bob came banging on the trailer door with a good sized orangutan. We had just finished breakfast and were watching the boob tube. I got up, went to the door and Bob said, "How about holding Asshole while I pull his tooth?" I stepped out, followed by May in her cooloffs.

Bob said not to worry, that he wouldn't bite. Well, it took all that I could do to hold this guy, Finally, I got a scissor lock around his hips and a headlock under his arms and behind his neck. It took both of Bob's hands to open his mouth. He told May to get the pair of pliers from his back pocket and pull the tooth.

It was a front baby tooth, about to come out anyway, so May took the pliers and pulled it out. When I turned him loose, he walked over to May and slapped at her. May backed off and he came to me and started butting me with his head.

I had my shirt off at the time. When he stopped butting me, he started looking me over for bugs. I had a flesh wart on my back and he pulled it off. Bob got ahold of his hand and pulled him away, while May put a band-aid on it.

May sat down on the ground and we all three watched the orangutan. He pulled some of the excess equipment from under our trailer, picked up a sledge hammer and started banging it on the ground. Bob stated, "That's why they call the orangutan the carpenters of the jungle."

Well, this orangutan started banging on the tires, then he banged the side of the trailer. Bob hollered at him and he dropped the hammer. He then went over to May, pulled back the top of her cooloffs, reached in and started feeling one of her boobs. She pulled his hand out and slapped it and said, "Bad boy."

From there, he started pecking at her legs, then at her thighs and then he put his hand up the bottom of her cooloffs. We had left him alone up to that point, just to see what he would do.

May wacked him up the side of his noggin, saying "That's a no-no!" We all started laughing. Then the orangutan stood up, took her by the hand and pulled her up off the ground and started to lead her to the wooded area out back. Then we really cracked up.

A few minutes later, Bob's wife walked in saying, "Did you guys get his tooth pulled?" Bob said, "Yeah, here it is," and he showed it to her saying "May pulled it while Fats and I held him down." She turned to me and asked me how I was doing this fine sunny morning.

I said, "All right, 'til Bob brought this crazy 'rang over here. He wounded me, almost caused me to bleed to death, pulled all the excess shit out from under the trailer and then to top that, he tried to rape my wife! How's that for starters, this fine sunny day?"


After Bob explained what happened to her, she cracked up, too.


Well, by the end of the season, Lou's wife died. He sold the carny, retired and bought a piece of land and a double wide mobile home in Florida.


To be Continued


Posted here courtesy of Midway Publications - Copyright 1999 William T. Usher All rights reserved


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