The Egg of Doom!
By Harley Newman
Four Feet High
by Six Feet Across
Ladies and Gentlemen,
you may have heard of the snake-headed eel, discovered a few
years ago in the waters of Maryland. A snaggle-toothed,
mistakenly imported alien creature with the ability to live out
of water, searching for streams where it hadn't devoured
everything that moved. A creature that grows as fast as it eats,
small fish, large fish, turtles, anything that smells like food
and gets in its way. The snake-headed eel, eating everything in
it's path, polluting the water it leaves behind.
I'm sorry to say, we don't have a snake-headed eel, ladies and
gentlemen. We don't have a snake-headed eel, we have something
Professor J.S. Lorenzo , of the University of Southern North
Dakota, an entymologist, was recently on an exploratory
expedition in West Texas, and discovered a creature that appears
to be in the same family as the snake-headed eel, only larger, a
voracious feeder with the ability to jump hundreds of miles in a
Professor Lorenzo was last seen in El Paso, having just
finished notifying his superiors of his amazing discovery, an
incoherent report full of "biggest" and "bests". He had with
him, money to fund his research, credit cards not being accepted
in El Paso. He may have visited a fair, though this cannot be
confirmed at this time. But our fear, is that he went looking
for his recent find, reputedly a 30 foot monster with a
One of his shoes was found, at the head of a trail of slime,
which proceeded in a westerly direction for a hundred yards, and
then disappeared. The trail was found another hundred yards on,
and proceeded in that way, a disgusting dotted line into the
desert, heading in the general direction of California.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we fear for Los Angeles, but we can
be grateful that the creature has moved away from here.
Or has it? There was one other thing, at the head of that slime
trail. It appeared to be a simple mound of sand, about
four & half feet high, six & half feet across. Upon brushing
away the dust, forensic investigators discovered what appears to
be a giant egg, roughly ovoid in shape, with a shell that
appears to be somewhat leathery.
Now ladies and gentlemen, an egg, being an egg, cannot be held
culpable in what may be a criminal investigation. Having not
hatched, it couldn't be a participant in nefarious activities.
And so the forensic investigators left it there.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have that egg. We felt, that in the
name of science, we should attempt to preserve that egg, so that
we could discover what it is, that we're going to be up against.
Right here, right now, is where you can see it. And sometimes,
ladies and gentle- men, it moves. What's in the egg? You must
decide for yourself.
We've gone to considerable expense to preserve the egg, a custom
built trailer, a soft nest, warm lights. We've enclosed the
trailer in a cage, just in case, with bars an inch and a half
thick. You must see this now. And we make no apology for asking
that you contribute a
little to help us preserve this thing, the government would like
to ignore. A mere dollar, to see what may be the most dangerous
creature, ever to be exhibited.
Step right up! See it
now! The egg of doom!
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