DROME BALLY PITCH

 

By “Suicide Kolozsy” on his hard tail Indian Scout

 

 

Wine barrel bikers...

 

We’re going to have a big free show folks, watch what we do… Meet the Daredevils, they are out here on the front stage to give you a quick demonstration of what you can expect to see inside the thrill arena…

 

I want you to get to know the motorcycle maniacs, meet Izzy N. Zane, Ian Zanity, Willy Dingham, his brother Kenny Dingham, and last but not least, Kenny Makehit…

 

These speed freaks are going to give us a little free demo to give you an idea of what goes on in the thrill show about to begin…

 

This is a roller dynamometer setup, the same as that which is used in the motorcycle speed shops where they tune racing motorcycles for grand prix racing…

 

The motorcycle on these rollers behaves exactly as if it were on a speedway track or the highway, with one exception, here on the roller dyno, no matter how fast you go, no traffic cop can write you a speeding ticket…

 

Ian Zanity, our best rider will demonstrate some of the acrobatic riding you will see in the thrill arena, but before we do that, Ian is going to go through the rider’s doorway to the thrill arena, and start up one of the death bikes…

 

Open the door Rocky, look folks, look through the doorway into the vertical speedway, that, is the Board Wall of Death…

 

Folks, all of you get in close, I want you to see this...

 

Inside that big barrel, a gang of daredevil riders risk it all in every show…

 

Now listen people, what you hear, is the sound of Harley Davidson motorcycle engine with special modifications, it is part of a hard tail customized frame with specially designed suspension for stability, Ian Zanity is going to warm it up, and then he is going to put it up on the wall of death…

 

Close the door Rocky, Ian, whenever you’re ready…

 

When he is all done with the demonstration ride, we’re going to bring him out here to show you some acrobatic trick riding on the dyno rollers…

 

I can hear him on the takeoff ramp, and there he goes defying gravity on the vertical speedway, who wants a free look, give Ian Zanity a little encouragement, give it up people, let him hear you in there, I can’t hear you, how in the world is he going to hear that pathetic squeak over the thunder of that big Harley he’s riding, I still can’t hear you, if you make enough noise, we’ll let you look for free…

 

Open the door Rocky, let the people see what it’s like, now folks, Ian Zanity is taking a sleepy little slow ride, a little low altitude cruise simply to demonstrate that it is possible to defy gravity on a motor bike, in the show he goes much faster, and does amazing tricks, plus you get to see multiple bikes racing simultaneously, and acrobatic tricks as well…

 

Close the door Rocky, and here folks, while Ian Zanity comes in for a landing, Kenny Makehit is going to demonstrate a few of the stunts performed on the wall inside during the show…

 

This level of expertise takes years to perfect, do not under any circumstances attempt these stunts on your motorcycle, no matter how drunk you may be, this is only for trained professionals…

 

Remember, there is an awful lot that can go wrong, in addition to the many horrible mishaps which can result from rider error, there is world of misfortune which can result from mechanical failure…

 

If the brakes should suddenly break…

 

If the two tires get too tired…

 

If the throttle cable doesn’t throttle ably…

 

If the cylinder doesn’t silly correctly…

 

If the transmission doesn’t transmit…

 

If the engine doesn’t gin…

 

If the drive chain doesn’t drive…

 

If the piston doesn’t… (hesitate)

 

…work as it should either...

 

Well, let me put it this way, if the slightest little thing goes wrong, why you’ll see nothing but buckets of blood and ribbons of flesh among the twisted metal and flaming debris…

 

This show is not for the faint of heart…

 

JAM (turning the tip)

 

Folk’s we’ve come to the part that everyone has trouble with, the price of admission…

 

Ask anyone who’s seen the show, and they’ll all tell you the same thing, it is worth the price an much more, for the small price of admission, you get thrills, chills, and sometimes spills…

 

An experience you can’t get anywhere else, a memory that will last a lifetime…

 

The show is scary enough that the girls will cuddle up to the boys, the boys will want a motorcycle more than ever…

 

The show is for everyone from eight to eighty, if you’re under eight you probably won’t understand it, if you’re over eighty, your heart probably can’t stand it…

 

For the rest of you, what you just saw out here clearly demonstrates but does not even closely approximate what goes on inside…

 

If you already have a ticket, you don’t need to get in line, you can climb the stairway to the observation gallery and get the best spot to watch the stunt riders perform…

 

Those of you who don’t yet have tickets, well it’s your lucky day, there is no shortage, the show is not sold out, and we have a pleasant surprise for you…

 

We are about to run a special sale on tickets…

 

The tickets are good for this show or any future performance of the Wall of Death Thrill Show, you can use it now, or put it away for later, this is why some of the folks are on their way to see the show with tickets they purchased beforehand…

 

We run these specials once in a while and right now just happens to be once in a while…

 

The regular price of admission to our show is a five dollar bill for adults, kids under twelve of age go for three dollars…

 

There has never been anyone who saw the thrill show and felt that they failed to get their money’s worth…

 

Take it from me, if you come out of here after the show and tell me that you were cheated or misled, if you can honestly say that you were not given the opportunity to see everything I’ve described to you today, if you can show me where I can see a show like this for less, well, I will personally and cheerfully refund your money, and furthermore, I will apologize for taking up your time, because I stand behind every statement I make, and I believe this to be the best show on the midway, and I folks, am an expert in the field of entertainment. I write college level courses on the history and the techniques of show business, and if you take a pass on seeing this show, well you are only cheating yourself…

 

Cashiers, pay attention, put away the regular tickets, bring out those rolls of specials…

 

Folks, if you are smart enough, and if you are quick enough and slick enough to take advantage of this unadvertised and frequently unpredictable special sale, you can buy adult admission tickets for the price of a child’s ticket…

 

As long as there is a line in front of either one of these two cashiers, the admission tickets will be sold at the child’s ticket price, not five, even though the show is well worth the usual price of admission, but now only three…

 

Hurry along just a little, if you’re in line then you’re in time, but once this line breaks we put away the reduced price tickets and the price goes back up…

 

Get the tickets now, and use them at any show, plenty of time to find the  Missus and the kids, the shows go on all day and all night, you never have to wait long, but the reduced price tickets are only available right now, so don’t miss out…

 


 

GRIND SPIEL

 

"Racing, riding, dipping and diving on that straight up and down board wall just like the walls of your very own home, these motorcycle maniacs risk life and limb for your amusement and edification"...

 

Death defying daredevil wall riders risk life and limb racing on the vertical wall of the ninety degree racetrack at speeds you simply won’t believe…

 

Thrills, chills, and sometimes spills, as these riders demonstrate trick and fancy riding, acrobatic riding, dips and dives, hare and hounds racing, baton passing, and exhibition formation riding on a vertical speedway…


 

INSIDE PITCH

 

Due to the extremely hazardous nature of the stunts and exhibition performed here today, there is not a single solitary insurance company in the world willing to write a policy covering these daredevil performers in the unfortunate event of an accident or catastrophe…

 

They perform these death defying stunts and tricks entirely at their own risk and have no accident or medical coverage of any sort whatsoever available to them at any cost…

 

The management of this venue believes this to be a completely unacceptable state of affairs and has established the daredevil wall rider’s insurance fund. This is an audience supported voluntary contribution fund with all money set aside for the expenses of injured riders when the inevitable tragic mishap eventually occurs…

 

If you have any change in your pocket that you can do without, now is the time to demonstrate your support for these daredevils who risk life and limb on a daily basis just to thrill, to please, and to amuse you…

 

If you simply grab a handful of change and hold it out over the edge of the giant barrel, that’s right, everybody hold some change out over the hard unforgiving arena floor fully twenty feet below, now everybody, on the count of three, when I get to three, I want everyone here to simultaneously release the coins. This will accomplish several things, firstly it will contribute to the riders disaster fund, and secondly, it will clearly reveal the enemy. The enemy of course, being the force of gravity. These riders defy the law of gravity, and can survive only as long as they can keep their balance, if they should lose their balance, they lose everything, and gravity wins…

 

(Coins rain down on the count of three)

 

We can all plainly see how dangerous a fall from this height can be, the coins hit hard enough to bounce, a human body would simply break, and if the unfortunate stuntman were to get pinned under one of these four hundred plus pound motorcycles, well they would be crushed as well...

 

I would like to thank those of you who have contributed to the disaster fund, and now I have a proposal to those of you who would like to demonstrate the type of reckless daredevil bravery our riders display with every stunt…

 

If you have the kind of personality that likes to be admired and if you like to be the center of attention, if you think that you would make a good daredevil, well, here is your chance to prove it…

 

Those of you who are brave enough, and if you have a banknote to spare, paper currency, a twenty dollar bill, take out your wallet, that’s right sir, now pry it open, break into fort knox, pull it out, and fold it like this, hold it out over the pit of death, between two fingers, and whatever you do, don’t move a muscle…

 

We are going to send our best rider, on a high speed cycle, to ride up to the very top of the wall, and as he flashes by, he is going to collect the donation and put it into the collection box, at breakneck speed while holding the handlebars with only one hand…

 

Great job Ian Zanity, do we have time for another, OK, I need two brave souls who each have a ten dollar bill, Ian is going to collect both in one pass…

 

Do we have four people with a five…

 

Now everybody who has a dollar bill…

 

Thanks to the late but not forgotten Jack Waller, Bill Stuart, Lucky Vinn, Speedy McNish, and all the other Bally Talkers, Spielers, and Grind Men who  taught me this wonderful pitch…

 

     

 

Vintage 1940's Louis Marx & Co. Daredevil Motor Drome Windup Toy

 


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