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Kathleen Kotcher
There comes a
time in every writer’s career when, regardless
what others tell you about what you do, you
have to face what you can do, what you want to
do, what you find nearly impossible to do,
what’s almost too painful to do, what you
never expected to have to do. And this is that
time. This past Saturday morning, June 23, I
got a call from Brighton, England, from Ivan
Kotcher that his wife, Kathleen, co-creator of
Shocked and Amazed!, had died in
her sleep that morning. She was 41.
We speak of
people who’ve lived “full” lives, who’ve lived
their lives so thoroughly that they could well
have been 1000 years old when they died.
Imagine someone who’d lived, oh, half a dozen
of those lives. Then double it. Now, you’re
close to Kathleen. When I first met her, when
she was a Master’s student in the University
of Baltimore’s publication program in the
autumn of ‘94, she seemed much older than she
was, and I saw immediately that she was
someone who didn’t do things half way if she
could help it. And the project which was my
Shocked and Amazed! – already
several years in the making, at that point –
seemed dead in the water, a problem I thought
I could coerce, connive, cajole or con her
into correcting.
None of that was
necessary. Where I’d had a book teetering on
unpublishability, she created the periodical
I’d barely conceived at that point to replace
it. When I’d grown tired of the tediousness of
transcribing interviews (the meat of
S&A!), she did that, too. All the mind
numbing specifics and particulars of
publishing a journal, she handled. When the
archives quickly became too voluminous for me
to manage, she took it all and kept it in such
shape that articles – previously unplanned but
necessary (usually at the last minute, days
from press time) – magically appeared whole.
She conducted her own interviews, too, and
wrote intros and came up with all the snappy,
sarcastic and self-deprecating patter that
framed all my literary pretensions. In an era
when blogs were in their infancy, she crafted
a couple of them for S&A! as
well. And all in service to the business she
grew to love, taking on the job that never
gave her a dime but allowed her to live in the
sideshow world, the world of the “other”
entertainment, whose people and shows she
jumped into immediately and loved from day
one.
Because if the
woman knew nothing else, she knew love. Total.
Utter. As strong as family can be, as
important as hers was to her, her friends were
as much her family as if they were blood. She
might’ve called me “boss” and ragged me
constantly about what was or wasn’t going on
with S&A!, but her love of the
business and her friendship with me was
resolute, despite the ebb and flow of such
things. When once years ago she asked me –
after too, too many days of getting beat up
and being exhausted by the business – “Don’t
you ever get tired of this?” and I told her,
“Sure.” But we were both at it again the next
day like manic fools. Such is love.
But love can
only take you so far. Many have made the
assumption over the years, because the
journal’s full name is James Taylor’s
Shocked and Amazed! – On & Off the Midway
and even though her name appeared otherwise on
the cover, that Kathleen was something other
than what she truly was. A lot of folks over
the years have smiled and nodded – almost with
a wink wink nudge nudge – when I’d tell them,
“No Kathleen, no Shocked and Amazed!”
Usually, their expressions made it pointless
for me to try to explain that, though my line
was always taken comedically, it was totally
serious. She never sought the limelight, the
cameras, the media – of course, I have – but
if ever anyone deserved to have the attention,
she did.
So let this,
then, be – in its minor/too brief way – my
thanks to her, my acknowledgement of my
failure to give her the roses while she lived,
if you will: No Kathleen, no Shocked and
Amazed! I’ve always meant it when I’ve
said it before, and I mean it even more now.
RIP, deary. You taught me more than you ever
knew.
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James
Taylor, June 24, 2012

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