Cancer research and the Russian Circus...

by Lee Kolozsy


Our M.O. for promoting the Moscow Circus is to lay 
down as many stacks of free kid's tickets
in as many retail locations as possible in every 
community we visit...

Most store and restaurant managers are glad to see us 
coming as the free tickets provide added 
value to their customers...

Occasionaly we encounter resistance...

This is usually overcome when we mention that the 
tickets benefit our sponsor, 
cancer research...

I had just papered a Staten Island strip mall pretty solid. 
I was in heavy in every store and 
the anchor, an A&P Fresh Market was the busiest store 
I had ever seen. Eighteen registers 
were solid with shoppers. Lou, the store manager had
 been enthusiastic and supportive
and every checker was under orders to stuff tickets in the bags whenever they saw kids or kid's 
products on the conveyer...

Sweet...

Both lobbies were plastered with our posters and I felt that I had earned my days pay in that 
one strike alone...

I was crossing the parking lot and noticed a diner in an out parcel that I had overlooked...

Being nothing less than thorough, I headed over to give a quality pitch...

As I entered the stainless steel shrine to dining, I thought that this will wrap up the center 
with a 100% closing ratio...

I was totally unprepared for what came next...

Perched on a stool behind the register was the ugliest sea hag I had
ever encountered...

As I made my pitch she examined one of our tickets and became enraged...

She cursed me loudly in a thick Russian accent and ordered me from the premises...

I gamely continued and tried to turn the train wreck around...

"Madam, these tickets will not only make many children very happy, but in addition, each ticket 
you give away will help raise money for cancer research."...

"Get ought!" she screamed, "I don't care abott yor cencer."...

By now everyone in the place was openly gaping in astonishment...

"Madam! Do you mean to tell me that you are against finding a cure
for cancer?...

"NO" She screamed. "I am Chechnyan." She screamed even louder. "I hate
Russians!"...

I had nothing. My mind was struggling and I had nothing...

Then came the capper...

She asked me...

"Are you Russian?"...

I had to say it...

"Madam, I am only rushin' to get the hell out of here."...

 


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