RAGE IN THE CAGE
By part time buffoon, Lee
Kolozsy
THOSE CRAZY CAGED CARNIE
CLOWNS
“HEY
EVERYBODY,… LOOK AT THE ALBINO KIDS!… HEY, YOU LITTLE
VAMPIRES,… IF YOUR MOM AND DAD FINALLY GET THAT DIVORCE,
WILL THEY STILL BE BROTHER AND SISTER?”…
A typical friendly greeting,
directed at you as you’re trying to herd your offspring and
current squeeze down a disorienting and confusing alley of
blinking lights and noisy distractions…
THIS CLOWN
CAN’T POSSIBLY BE TALKING TO ME…
He’s looking directly at you and
he moves right along to comment on, criticize, ridicule, poke
fun at, and downright insult everything about you and yours…
NOW THE WHOLE
WORLD SEEMS TO BE WATCHING AND WAITING…
This character is comfortably
perched above a tank of water, in a cage, under bright lights,
with a crowd of people around, all of them now looking directly
at you and yours…
IT’S ENOUGH TO
PISS OFF THE POPE…
Confrontational theatre of this
nature affects different people in different ways. Regardless of
the reaction, the grease-painted actor instigating the conflict
seems to have a clever and often hilarious script prepared for
whichever way it goes. Television game show hosts employ this
technique.
Carnies use it all the time. Game Operators do it, Comedians
deal with hecklers often. Some even plant them. Magicians,
Pitchmen, almost any performer who must deal with the public,
often employ a similar technique…
I’M GONNA DROWN
THAT CLOWN…
The obnoxious devil is in an iron
cage with targets at each side, heckling you, and some
nondescript Carnie is offering you a handful of baseballs.
What’s a buck or two? It’s a fun game, you get to be the center
of attention, and if you soak the bloke, you get to be a hero,
at least to your party, and get to leave vindicated, and
victorious…
AND IT GRINDS
ON AND ON…
This game has been around for a
long time, and in a lot of incarnations. I have seen a version
where a blackface clown wearing a helmet pokes his head through
a hole in the wall and insults patrons who respond by trying to
bean him with hard balls. They aim for his face, and he dips his
head when a strike is imminent, taking it on the helmet, which
is designed to make a satisfying gong like sound. Good
Showmanship that…
RACIST ROOTS…
The dunk tank was once called
“HIT THE TRIGGER AND SINK THE NIGGER”. This was due to the
game originating on the Showboats plying the Mississippi. Older
Showmen still refer to it as the “AFRICAN DIP”…
THE GAME IS ON…
Some people are good sports, and
good-naturedly play along, while knowing fully well that the
whole thing is a show, strictly for amusement. And oh yeah, to
make a buck…
Others are less evolved. I have
seen many fights, some involving weapons and eventually, police,
over this style of entertainment…
Dip Clowns walk a psychological
tightrope, balancing between baiting marks to become players and
“ranguing them up”
until the crowd is out for
blood…
ONE OF MY
FAVORITE CLOWNS IS BUBBA…
“Hey Buckwheat! Now I
remember where I know you from, your aunt is on the pancake box,
and your uncle is on the rice package!”…
“Sheeyit! Ahm gonna sink yo
honky ass!” replied the gentleman in question…
Some of these victims end up so
angry and frustrated that they resort to making threats and
brandishing firearms…
THE “HEY RUBE”
IS AT THE “DIP”…
Once Bubba got some drunk cowboys
so angry that they were “gonna whup im”…
Bubba likes to keep a cooler with
a soothing concoction of grain-distilled beverages in the cage…
As he was infuriating the
shit-kickers, he happened to notice that the cooler was running
dry…
“High and Dry” he
hollered. This was the signal for his girlfriend to bring
another round…
As she was delivering the
libation to the back of the cage, the cowboys circled around and
ambushed him as he reached out for the cocktail. One of the bad
guys grabbed Bubba’s old lady by the hair and pulled her out of
the doorway causing her to spill the drink. Well, this was more
than Bubba could take sitting down. That had been the last
remaining bit of liquor on hand. While she was busy scratching
the assailant’s eyes out, Bubba baled out and went to work
dismantling the others. Bubba likes to fight more than he likes
to drink and insult marks…
In the darkened area behind the
tank, hidden from the Midway, the rubes were finding that they
had bitten off more than they could chew. Bubba had a hickory
hammer handle in hand and was methodically inflicting pain with
assembly line precision and efficiency. Bubba liked his work and
had issues with those who would stop the show…
By the time the police arrived,
all but three of the posse had taken flight, and these boys were
in some degree of discomfort. In addition to the bumps and
bruises, not to mention humiliation, they now found themselves
in hand cuffs…
“HIGH AND DRY,
NEED A BALL PLAYER”…
Bubba was back in the tank,
working a tip
as though nothing had
happened, and behind the scenes, the miscreants were being
lectured by the High Sheriff, who seemed to know them all by
name…
“You three should be ashamed of
yourselves. What do you think is gonna happen when I tell your
wives that you were out at the fair without the women and kids,
I’ll tell you what, they’re going to think you were out here
chasing girls. What do you think is going to happen when I tell
your bosses you were out at the fair instead of being at work,
What do you think is going to happen when I tell the minister
that you were at the fair drunk, what’s going to happen when I
tell all your friends that you idiots all got your asses kicked
by one damn Carnie Clown”…
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