Women like Men…
 

Warning some of the contents of this story may be offensive to some reads.......

 

On the Midway, with the Sexual Freak Show…    by,  Professor Laszlo Perverso…

 

 

 The local girls always dress up in their raciest, and do major paint and body work to come to the fair…

 

This has something to do with pheromones, hormones, and lately it seems, cell phones…

 

The boys on the show are all “bling-bling” under the awning, and “ooh girl” on the tilt-a-whirl…

The show girls just roll their eyes…

 

Sometimes groups of beautiful women visit the midway, and compete with one another to tantalize the Carnie guys…

 

Amongst the high powered agents[1], even the better players in the joints[2] are sometimes rendered stupid by all this, and instead of calling the game, they end up playing for teddy bear thrills well into the night…

 

The jocks, of the ride variety[3], seem to make a lot of improbable plays, that surprisingly enough, often work…

 

I watch these pretty young things parading the midway, and mentally rank them with a point system, after the fashion of a pageant. This ultimately gives me an average, which is the final score for the event…

The group of young women headed for my Menagerie was difficult to rank…

 

Some of them were quite well endowed, but in all the wrong places…

 

Yikes! They were all dykes! …

 

It would be wrong to say that they were “pretty butch”, since this would constitute an oxymoron, as well as be incorrect, in view of the fact that there was nothing pretty about them…

 

This was a collegiate girls’ ball team, still in uniform, out to celebrate the sandlot annihilation of some unfortunate local farm boys…

 

They were striding purposefully, with their lesbo leader, the dominant dyke, at the point of the flying delta formation…

 

A butch brigade …

 

They had slogans on their uniforms which stated, “The only balls we need are baseballs”

 

 It was quite clear to me that it was not only in sports that they could play like men…

They were all scary looking…

 

Large and in charge, the chief of this detachment of dykes whipped out a twenty, and gruffly declared, “all of us”…

 

I pointed to the prettiest of their number, an attractive lipstick model, and asked, “Oh no! Even her?”

A few of them were giggling and smirking, the others hadn’t caught the double entendre…

 

I grabbed the dub[4] and gestured towards the reptile den…

“No need to delay Ladies, the great big snake is in the great big cage, walk right in and step right up”…

 

The Sapphic Squad immediately charged towards the pit[5] like kids headed for the playground at recess…

 

Coach Diesel manfully stood her ground and demanded, “My change…” …

 

How many are you paying for, all ten, right? that’s twenty.” I pointed to the $2.00 admission sign, discreetly concealed in plain sight…

 

She glanced at the deuce reader[6], and looked directly at the snakeskin souvenir vending machine by the entrance, and asked, “What the hell is fifty cents?”

 

The capsule vendor was lettered up like a show banner on both sides, as well as on the face. It did somewhat resemble a fifty cents admission sign, from almost any angle. The placement was perfect…

 

“If you put two quarters in the slot, and turn the handle, it spits out a prize.”…

 

“So it’s not fifty cents to see the snake?”…

 

“Nope! Two bucks a head.”…

She staggered off, reeling, to look at the damn thing…

 

Her teammates were oohing and ahhing over the worm[7], taking up the whole pew, and she had a hard time finding a way to get a look…

 

She stepped up at the end of the board, almost directly under the rubber snake, which was suspended from above, by a rope and pulley arrangement, attached to one of the overhead floodlights…

 

I waited until she spotted the real live giant snake in the cage, and let her take a good long look, when she was shuddering with revulsion, I knew the time was right...

 

None of them were even aware of the five-foot long rubber snake dangling directly overhead…

 

When I let it drop, it landed with a heavy thud, just inches from their faces, and the entire butch battalion stampeded like panicked cows…

 

They were outta there like lickety split…

 

Except for the alpha lesbian, she was frozen in horror, staring at the rubber snake, which was lying on the glass top of the giant snake cage, its rubber tail quivering…

 

 I gave the string a few deft tugs, and the fake snake danced like a marionette possessed…

That’s where all her macho went out the window…

 

She screamed like a little girl…

 

There she was, gasping for breath, hanging onto a wide eyed and terrified girlfriend, both of them staring up slack jawed at the ascending bouncer[8] as I was hauling in the line…

 

Her team had turned around and were watching from the midway, hysterically laughing and high fiving one another…

 

“Welcome to the Carnival” I said as the couple stumbled by the ticket box…

 

“He’s evil!” she was telling her favorite, all the while glaring daggers at me…

 

Nine tenths of the audience had thoroughly enjoyed the show, and only one was being critical…

 

I could understand her rancor; after all, I was the living embodiment of all she had disdain for…

 

She had expected to be a hero to her friends for the price of a fin, and I had bumped her to a dub. She certainly hadn’t expected to have the living shellac scared out of her, and then, to add insult to injury, she became the butt of her friends’ hilarity. I don’t blame her for being miffed…

 

Her parting shot, was to call me a name, that made it plain that I was something she could quite well do entirely without…

 

“A real dick!” …

 



[1] “high powered agent” Show lingo referring to an expert game caller.

[2] “joints” Show lingo for carnival game stands.

[3] “Ride Jocks” Show lingo for ride operators.

[4] “dub” A diminutive of “double sawbuck” which is show lingo for a twenty dollar bill. Origins are traced to the Roman Numerals XX which resemble two woodcutters sawbucks.

[5] “pit” Show lingo for the area where sideshow attractions are displayed.

[6] “deuce reader” Show lingo for two dollar admission sign.

[7] “worm” Show lingo for an exhibit snake.

[8] “bouncer” Show lingo for an exhibit fashioned from rubber or plastic.

 

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