"This Turkey is Ready for Plucking."

 

Later in the evening, I went to the cookhouse (a portable restaurant) at the front of the midway that fed the carneys, as well as the marks, sat down, and had a piece of 'Vergen' pie (cherry) and a big glass of milk.


Ginger, the waitress, handed me the bill and said, "That'll be six twenty five, sir."

 

I said, "Six bucks and a quarter, your keister, Ginger, I'm Fats, the talker." Ginger said, "I didn't recognize you in the getup, Fats. How does a deuce and a quarter sound?" I smiled and duked her a fin and said, "keep the change and buy yourself a yacht."

She replied, "Yeah and maybe I'll take you boating in the South Pacific to a little island where we can run around in the nude and throw coconuts at each other. But first, you'll have to get rid of the beard and lose some of the tummy. How long has it been since you last saw it?"

I said, "Boy, ain't you going to be surprised when you find out I'm a lezzie in drag with a ten inch dildo." She busted out laughing.

Ginger was a hip broad and we could always come up with some wise cracks to shoot at each other.  As I went back down the midway to the Drome, I stopped at Al Hubler's nail joint to say hello.

He recognized me at once and asked me to mind the store while he went to the doniker (toilet). I told him I would, so he took off his change apron with the gaffed up nails, the straight nails and a saw-buck worth of change, and handed it to me and cracked, "If you score while I'm in the crapper, it's yours to keep, tax free, OK?"

I said 'OK.' While he was gone, I tied the apron on, picked up a hammer, started a couple of straight nails in the four by four inch by six foot log, and start

ed to drive them.

As I sank the second one, this dude walked over to the joint and said, "What do I have to do to win one of those clocks with a horse on it? I'd like to get one for my Aunt Emma's birthday tomorrow."

Well the horse clock have been part of the nail joint's flash ever since they came over on the Mayflower and no one had ever won one, chances are a billion to one they ever would Well, I sized the dude up and said to myself, "This turkey is ready for plucking." And I lay it on him.

"Sir, all you have to do is drive a nail into this log here. Do it in one stoke, you win your choice of anything you see on the shelf up there on the top. Drive it in two, you get your choice of anything on the middle shelf. Drive it in three strokes, you get whatever you see on the bottom shelf."

I took a straight nail, started it in the log and handed the mark a hammer, and said, "Here, take a practice swing." The mark easily bangs it in with one blow. Then I start a gaffed up nail in the log and say, "Pay me a dollar and win a prize."

The mark reaches in his back pocket, takes out his billfold, opens it and takes out a buck and hands it to me. As he does, I peek his poke and see some tens, twenties and a couple of half yard notes in it.

I hand him a hammer, he swings and the gaff nail bends over.   He swings again and again, flattening the nail on the surface of the log. I said, "Sir you know that you can sink one of the nails in one shot, but you got a little too aggressive." I start another straight nail, hand him a hammer and said, "Here, try again." The mark easily sinks it in one.
I said, "See how easy it is. I'll bet you're a carpenter by trade. Is that right, sir?" And the marks replies, "I'm no carpenter, but I drove plenty of nails."


I started again, "Tell you what I'm gonna do. Pay me fifty, sink a nail in one shot and I'll give you your choice of the horse clocks, plus double your money back." The mark thinks it over a moment, then reaches in his back pocket, got his wallet, opened it, and handed me a fifty.

As I sank the second one, this dude walked over to the joint and said, "What do I have to do to win one of those clocks with a horse on it? I'd like to get one for my Aunt Emma's birthday tomorrow."

Well the horse clock have been part of the nail joint's flash ever since they came over on the Mayflower and no one had ever won one, chances are a billion to one they ever would Well, I sized the dude up and said to myself, "This turkey is ready for plucking." And I lay it on him.

I start a gaffed up nail in the log, and hand him the hammer. He swings hard enough to drive the nail through the log. It bends to one side and the mark bangs it again and again.

He reaches and gets his wallet out, takes out another fifty, and hands it to me and says, "I'm gonna try one more time and if I don't win, I ain't gonna play no more."

I start another gaff nail. He swings, the nail bends, he bangs it four or five times, lays the hammer down and walks away.

A few minutes later, Al get back from the doniker, hands me a fin and says, "Thanks, Fats."


I hand it back, saying, "You don't owe me nothing, Al. I might ask you to do the same for me sometime. I ain't about to tell him I beat the mark for a yard...plus.
 

To be Continued

 

Posted here courtesy of Midway Publications - Copyright 1999 William T. Usher All rights reserved

 


If you have information about William T. Usher please email us at the Sideshow World

 

Back to Endangered Species       Back to Main

 

All photos are the property of their respective owners whether titled or marked anonymous.

"Sideshow WorldTM" is the sole property of John Robinson All rights reserved.

 sideshowworld.com   sideshowworld.org   sideshowworld.net  sideshowworld.biz   sideshowworld.info

is the sole property of John Robinson All rights reserved.

E-Mail Sideshow World     E-Mail The Webmaster