Flatter than a Pile of Cow Manure
Now, I had two
reticulated pythons, one eleven feet long the other a little
over fifteen feet long, who stayed hungry all the time. Joe
used to feed them fresh chicken, cleaned and dejointed.
They each had their own box, made of three quarter inch
plywood, four feet by three feet wide, eight feet long, with
a glass front. I traded my station wagon for a big second
hand school bus to haul them and the rest of the snake show
in. Joe used a you-haul-it rental truck and when the show
was running, he used the empty truck to live in. He said
that it was a lot cheaper in the long run than having your
Well, thanks to Joe we had our own show. It took us a few
days to sew up the rips in the tent, repair the banner line,
repaint the poles, stakes and the ticket box. When we
finished, we booked it on the same carny and hired a guy to
sell tickets and put it up and take it down.
In the seven or eight weeks that the big snake show was
open, we made money. With it being about closing time, with
three more spots coming up, May started to have trouble with
her periods and complained about having severe pains in her
stomach. She got so irritable, I could hardly live with her.
She wanted to go back home with her folks.
I took her to several doctors. All they did was ask
questions and give her a prescription for pills, saying that
they would stop the pain and cure her. Instead, she got so
bad that she couldn't hardly bend down to put her shoes on.
I figured the best thing to do was to take her home.
I agreed to let the guy I hired to run the snake
show, finish what spots we had left to play and keep
whatever money the show grossed, if he would bring the bus,
snakes and other equipment to me up at May's home.
He agreed, so I gave him the keys and the papers to the bus.
Then we put all our belongings in a car that we had just
bought and I took her home and we moved in with her folks
for the winter.
We were not rich by any means but we had a couple of grand
in our kicks. Two days after we moved in, May really started
to suffer so I loaded her up and took her to see the local
doctor, only this time I went inwith her. She told him what
her problem was and he checked her temperature, her pulse,
listened to her heart and started to write her a
I said, "Hey, just a damn minute! She's been to four doctors
in the last two friggin' weeks and all they done was to ask
her a few questions and give her some pain pills. Damn
it, don't none of you guys know enough to give someone a
pap smear or a thorough physical? This pill shit isup the
creek as far as I'm concerned!"
The doc replied, "I could, if I had a nurse on duty. The
law says that I have to have someone else in the room with
me while I examine a female. Right now, my nurse is off
for the remainder of the week."
Right away I said, "What about her husband?" He answered,
"That would be permissible." to which I replied, "Let's go."
In the examining room, he questioned her again about when
she had her last period, how long she had the pains, on
which side and so on. Then he poked around her stomach. He
started to put pressure on her lower abdomen and had her put
her feet in the stirrups like she was about to give birth.
He put a rubber glove on his right hand, then
put three of his fingers in her vagina, felt around a
little bit more and said, "Now, this may hurt a little, but
it's got to be done." He then stuck four of his fingers in
and gave them a twist. May cried, "Stop it, damn it! I can't
stand it, it hurts too much!"
The doc withdrew his bloody fingers and the stink almost
knocked me over. He said to me, "Your wife has tubal
pregnancy in both her tubes, plus gangrene has set in. You
had better get her to a hospital today or she won't be
around too much longer."
As he pulled off his glove, he said, "I can phone the
hospital in Abingdon (that's nearest to us) and notify them
to get ready to receive her, if that's OK with you." I told
him to make the call.
While May put her clothes back on, I asked the doc how much
I owed him and he shook his head and said, "You don't owe me
one cent, my friend, you just made me realize why I became a
May came into the waiting room and thanked him. I helped her
to the car and drove her straight to Abingdon, twenty one
When we arrived at the emergency entrance, they were waiting
at the door for her. Sure enough, she had a tubal pregnancy
in both tubes and gangrene had set in. She had to have her
ovaries removed along with the rest of the process. Twenty
five days later, I brought her home with a tube in her
Now, her folks were real old time country folks and they
thought that it was not right for a man to give a woman a
bath, much less a douche. Well, right or wrong, I did.
One of May's sisters had a yeast infection and May had some
of the douche powder left. You diluted it in water and used
it for infections, especially for yeast infections. She
mixed some up, put it in a douche bag and handed it to her
sister and her sister said, "Do it burn?" Aunt Emma said
that if you was to get water in your 'jiner,' you would
drown. May told me about it, laughed, then said, "I knew
that I had some dumb ones in my family, but damn if that
don't win the blue ribbon."
Bill Anderson, from York, Pennsylvania, the A-hole that I
let take the bus and snake show, failed to keep his promise.
By then, winter was closing in and the only carnies
operating were far away, either in south Texas, New Mexico
or southern Florida.
I said the hell with spending money trying to find him then,
I'd find him come spring. Come spring, May and I were tapped
out flatter than a pile of cow manure that had laid in the
field for two years.
To be Continued