Beware of dentists. They are
quickly becoming the used car salesmen for the twenty-first
century. Always get a second opinion.
Hustlers acting like Gulf War
vets call businesses to ask for help with their charity. Most
businesses are barraged with calls like these and usually have a
secretary screen them.
To get around the screen the
hustler will say:
“This is Mr. Howard I.R.S.; put
the owner on the phone please.”
When the owner gets on the phone,
the hustler starts his presentation with a slight name change
making it seem like the secretary made a mistake.
“Hello Sir, this is Howard Iris
with a Gulf War charity.”
He then will drop the phone,
rattle it around a little and say: “I’m sorry, the phone cord
got stuckin the spokes of my wheelchair.”
Another telemarketing scam uses
television shows that periodically run consumer alert segments.
The shows always seem to concentrate on bottled water, high
octane gas, and aspirin scams.
Most people think that their tap
water is more impure than bottled water. This is untrue
except for rare cases.
High octane gas
is a flat out rip-off. Always buy
the so-called low-grade petro and you won’t notice the
is aspirin. I’m not trying to be
redundant, but so many people have a mental picture of
scientists tinkering with aspirin to improve it. There is no
difference between aspirin brands; you pay extra for the names
so their marketing and packaging costs are covered.
There is a new breed of
underground coin collectors who are getting rich from everything
that is coin operated. Their life’s work is to constantly keep
abreast of coin and token sizes from all over the world. They
take advantage of conversions.
For example, if a coin worth 1/2
cent in Africa happens to be the same size as a U.S. quarter,
then they sweep the U. S. buying and reselling vending machine
items. This is also being done in other countries. The English
Pound which is worth $1.20 is vulnerable because its size is
easy to get in cheaper currencies.
Coin and token sizes change
almost daily somewhere in the world creating a bonanza for these
Money from Your Nose
The fresh scent of popcorn you
smell popping in the microwave is fake.
The fresh scent of bread wafting
onto the street in front of a bagel or bakery shop is also
Many products are now exploiting
scent as a subliminal sales tool. They hire manufacturers who
enhance the smells of their products. When your nose comes in
contact with the scent, you salivate and are more likely to make
Here is a story of a guy I met at
the fairground when I was a kid. His name was Eb and he was
doing a geek act amongst other things; he was also a drug
addict. I was told a story about an unconventional
way to beat a urine test.
Eb was in so much trouble that
for awhile he had to do urine tests twice a week. He’d get in
fights with people who sold him dirty urine, which caused him to
flunk the tests. It was a big laugh on the midway.
Everyone was making fun of him.
One carny told him that the only
way he could find clean urine was to bet his little nephew a
quarter that he couldn’t pee in a jar. The carnies started to
act like they cared, and told him they were going to help him
find clean urine. So every time people walked by, they would
point them out and say: “That person looks clean, go ask him for
some.” Or: “Stay away from that person, she looks dirty.”
After awhile, as people walked
by, the carnies could be heard saying to each other under their
breath: “Clean, clean, dirty, clean, dirty, dirty.” They would
argue their assessments like: “That old lady is dirty, look, she
has a limp, she’s on some kind of a prescription.” Or: “That
guy’s naively dirty, his urine will be clean in a couple of
weeks. He’s just experimenting right now.”
Somehow Eb came up with clean
urine. So he bought one of those small Elmer’s glue bottles with
the twist cap. He emptied it out, sterilized it and painted it
flesh-colored. Then he filled it with the clean urine, and put
it in his Jockey shorts against his body to keep it warm. At the
test he reached into his underwear with the hand closest to the
monitor (the person who’s supposed to be watching to make sure
the urine isn’t switched). He palmed the Elmer’s bottle in his
hand and squeezed it into the cup.
A dope fiend would kick the gold
fillings out of his mother’s mouth to get money for drugs. If
they can be that ruthless, imagine what they do to each other.
There is no honor amongst thieves in the narcotic community.
take an Esquire magazine
cover for its rigid stock and make the kind of folds that are
used to seal the drug. They put flour in it and barely crease
the middle of the bundle. When customers open it, the fold pops
up and sends the flour flying in all directions. The customers
can only blame themselves and have to pay for their accident.
Some hustlers make volume
purchases of white powdered caffeine and procaine
mixtures from companies listed in the back of High Times
Many of these companies sell or
can get chemicals that they do not advertise. The white cocaine
rip-off powder is put in a coffee filter and placed on top of
a running coffee maker. The steam moistens it just enough for it
to dry into rock form, making it look much more real and
Growers of marijuana have found a
way to use most of the plant. In the old days only a quarter of
the marijuana plant was considered to be of high enough quality
to sell. Most of the plant was thrown out. Now they sell the
no-quality parts to hustlers.
These marijuana rip-offs
take an empty spray bottle with 1/4 of pine scent and 3/4 of
coca-cola. After spraying the marijuana with the coke-pine
mixture, they compact it tightly into shoe boxes until it dries.
When dry, they peel the box away
and break up the marijuana into what looks and smells like
expensive high quality buds.
If the quality of the marijuana
is so bad that all the doctoring in the world can’t make it look
like “greenbud,” they will soak it in peroxide until it turns
brown and add some hemp seeds they take out of bird feed. It is
then back to coca-cola, pine scent and shoe box compression.
This time when they break it up, it looks like “Mexican bud.”
grow all over the world in
gardens, and it’s usually legal as long as you don’t use them to
get high. The seeds are easy to get and they make beautiful
plants. Most people don’t realize that the summer pods are full
of narcotic. Junkies know exactly what these plants look like,
and steal them from gardens or grow them themselves.
upsets law enforcement officers more than a wise guy who beats
the system. Here are a couple of the lesser known scams.
Many drunks have gotten out of
DWI’s by faking an injury. When a policeman pulls them over and
asks them to get out of the car, they bump their head on the
inner roof of the car, close their eyes and fall over. They
don’t open their eyes until they’re sober.
This tactic usually results in a
sixty dollar ambulance ride. In most states a blood test is not
taken unless the person is seriously injured.
Many drunks who get in
accidents that don’t re-
OUT OF JAIL FREE” CARDS
sult injury go to a bar to order
three or four drinks that they dump out when no one is looking.
After establishing their alibi, they call the police to report
the accident. They tell a story about how they went into shock
during the accident and had stumbled to a bar for a few drinks
to calm the nerves. The police can’t prove if they had gotten
drunk before or after the accident.
Some people don’t like talking to
the police at all when they’re drunk, so they wait until the
next day and report their car stolen.
A defense that has worked in many
DWI cases is to say that you burped when you took the
Burping forces more alcohol into
the breathalyzer making the record inaccurate. The skewed logic
is if you’re drunk anyway, you might as well knock the needle
There are some people who break
the speed limit on purpose. They are not drunk, it’s a sport to
them and they rarely get a ticket.
When pulled over, they get out of
their car and start looking around at the tires. When the
policeman walks up, the hustler talks first and says: “Officer,
I’m having problems with my breaks, would you follow me to a gas
The policeman will either
consider it his civic duty, or suggest that it’s too dangerous
and the car should be towed. Either way he won’t give him a
ticket and doesn’t have time to wait with him for the tow truck.
The contents of this section
are dangerous. Misuse of the material can cheapen an art form
or at the very least make you look stupid. More importantly,
misuse of this information may result in jail time or death.
Do not attempt any of these tricks without the direct
supervision of a responsible professional.