by Jim Rose

 

DO NOT TRY ANYTHING YOU READ HERE

 

 

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DISCLAIMER

The contents of this section are dangerous. Misuse of the material can cheapen an art form or at the very least make you look stupid. More importantly, misuse of this information may result in jail time or death. Do not attempt any of these tricks without the direct supervision of a responsible professional.

 

CONSUMER SCAMS

 

Tooth Ache

Beware of dentists. They are quickly becoming the used car salesmen for the twenty-first century. Always get a second opinion.

 

Telemarketing

Hustlers acting like Gulf War vets call businesses to ask for help with their charity. Most businesses are barraged with calls like these and usually have a secretary screen them.

 

To get around the screen the hustler will say:

 

“This is Mr. Howard I.R.S.; put the owner on the phone please.”

 

When the owner gets on the phone, the hustler starts his presentation with a slight name change making it seem like the secretary made a mistake.

 

“Hello Sir, this is Howard Iris with a Gulf War charity.”

 

He then will drop the phone, rattle it around a little and say: “I’m sorry, the phone cord got stuckin the spokes of my wheelchair.”

 

Another telemarketing scam uses television shows that periodically run consumer alert segments. The shows always seem to concentrate on bottled water, high octane gas, and aspirin scams.

 

Most people think that their tap water is more impure than bottled water. This is untrue except for rare cases.

 

High octane gas is a flat out rip-off. Always buy the so-called low-grade petro and you won’t notice the difference.

 

Aspirin is aspirin. I’m not trying to be redundant, but so many people have a mental picture of scientists tinkering with aspirin to improve it. There is no difference between aspirin brands; you pay extra for the names so their marketing and packaging costs are covered.

 

Coin Collectors

There is a new breed of underground coin collectors who are getting rich from everything that is coin operated. Their life’s work is to constantly keep abreast of coin and token sizes from all over the world. They take advantage of conversions.

 

For example, if a coin worth 1/2 cent in Africa happens to be the same size as a U.S. quarter, then they sweep the U. S. buying and reselling vending machine items. This is also being done in other countries. The English Pound which is worth $1.20 is vulnerable because its size is easy to get in cheaper currencies.

 

Coin and token sizes change almost daily somewhere in the world creating a bonanza for these guys.

 

Money from Your Nose

The fresh scent of popcorn you smell popping in the microwave is fake.

 

The fresh scent of bread wafting onto the street in front of a bagel or bakery shop is also usually fake.

 

Many products are now exploiting scent as a subliminal sales tool. They hire manufacturers who enhance the smells of their products. When your nose comes in contact with the scent, you salivate and are more likely to make the purchase.

 

Urine Test

Here is a story of a guy I met at the fairground when I was a kid. His name was Eb and he was doing a geek act amongst other things; he was also a drug addict. I was told a story about an unconventional way to beat a urine test.

 

Eb was in so much trouble that for awhile he had to do urine tests twice a week. He’d get in fights with people who sold him dirty urine, which caused him to flunk the tests. It was a big laugh on the midway.

 

Everyone was making fun of him.

 

One carny told him that the only way he could find clean urine was to bet his little nephew a quarter that he couldn’t pee in a jar. The carnies started to act like they cared, and told him they were going to help him find clean urine. So every time people walked by, they would point them out and say: “That person looks clean, go ask him for some.” Or: “Stay away from that person, she looks dirty.”

 

After awhile, as people walked by, the carnies could be heard saying to each other under their breath: “Clean, clean, dirty, clean, dirty, dirty.” They would argue their assessments like: “That old lady is dirty, look, she has a limp, she’s on some kind of a prescription.” Or: “That guy’s naively dirty, his urine will be clean in a couple of weeks. He’s just experimenting right now.”

 

Somehow Eb came up with clean urine. So he bought one of those small Elmer’s glue bottles with the twist cap. He emptied it out, sterilized it and painted it flesh-colored. Then he filled it with the clean urine, and put it in his Jockey shorts against his body to keep it warm. At the test he reached into his underwear with the hand closest to the monitor (the person who’s supposed to be watching to make sure the urine isn’t switched). He palmed the Elmer’s bottle in his hand and squeezed it into the cup.

 

DRUG SCAMS

A dope fiend would kick the gold fillings out of his mother’s mouth to get money for drugs. If they can be that ruthless, imagine what they do to each other. There is no honor amongst thieves in the narcotic community.

 

Cocaine rip-offs take an Esquire magazine cover for its rigid stock and make the kind of folds that are used to seal the drug. They put flour in it and barely crease the middle of the bundle. When customers open it, the fold pops up and sends the flour flying in all directions. The customers can only blame themselves and have to pay for their accident.

 

Some hustlers make volume purchases of white powdered caffeine and procaine mixtures from companies listed in the back of High Times magazine.

 

Many of these companies sell or can get chemicals that they do not advertise. The white cocaine rip-off powder is put in a coffee filter and placed on top of  a running coffee maker. The steam moistens it just enough for it to dry into rock form, making it look much more real and valuable.

 

Growers of marijuana have found a way to use most of the plant. In the old days only a quarter of the marijuana plant was considered to be of high enough quality to sell. Most of the plant was thrown out. Now they sell the no-quality parts to hustlers.

 

These marijuana rip-offs take an empty spray bottle with 1/4 of pine scent and 3/4 of coca-cola. After spraying the marijuana with the coke-pine mixture, they compact it tightly into shoe boxes until it dries.

 

When dry, they peel the box away and break up the marijuana into what looks and smells like expensive high quality buds.

 

If the quality of the marijuana is so bad that all the doctoring in the world can’t make it look like “greenbud,” they will soak it in peroxide until it turns brown and add some hemp seeds they take out of bird feed. It is then back to coca-cola, pine scent and shoe box compression. This time when they break it up, it looks like “Mexican bud.”

 

Opium poppies grow all over the world in gardens, and it’s usually legal as long as you don’t use them to get high. The seeds are easy to get and they make beautiful plants. Most people don’t realize that the summer pods are full of narcotic. Junkies know exactly what these plants look like, and steal them from gardens or grow them themselves.

 

The Injury

Nothing upsets law enforcement officers more than a wise guy who beats the system. Here are a couple of the lesser known scams.

 

Many drunks have gotten out of DWI’s by faking an injury. When a policeman pulls them over and asks them to get out of the car, they bump their head on the inner roof of the car, close their eyes and fall over. They don’t open their eyes until they’re sober.

 

This tactic usually results in a sixty dollar ambulance ride. In most states a blood test is not taken unless the person is seriously injured.

 

Shockabi

Many drunks who get in accidents that don’t re-

 

“GET OUT OF JAIL FREE” CARDS

 

sult injury go to a bar to order three or four drinks that they dump out when no one is looking. After establishing their alibi, they call the police to report the accident. They tell a story about how they went into shock during the accident and had stumbled to a bar for a few drinks to calm the nerves. The police can’t prove if they had gotten drunk before or after the accident.

 

Some people don’t like talking to the police at all when they’re drunk, so they wait until the next day and report their car stolen.

 

Excuse Me

A defense that has worked in many DWI cases is to say that you burped when you took the breathalyzer.

 

Burping forces more alcohol into the breathalyzer making the record inaccurate. The skewed logic is if you’re drunk anyway, you might as well knock the needle off.

 

Speed

There are some people who break the speed limit on purpose. They are not drunk, it’s a sport to them and they rarely get a ticket.

 

When pulled over, they get out of their car and start looking around at the tires. When the policeman walks up, the hustler talks first and says: “Officer, I’m having problems with my breaks, would you follow me to a gas station?”

 

The policeman will either consider it his civic duty, or suggest that it’s too dangerous and the car should be towed. Either way he won’t give him a ticket and doesn’t have time to wait with him for the tow truck.

DISCLAIMER

The contents of this section are dangerous. Misuse of the material can cheapen an art form or at the very least make you look stupid. More importantly, misuse of this information may result in jail time or death. Do not attempt any of these tricks without the direct supervision of a responsible professional.


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