You Want to Bullfight?

 

by Jim Rose

 

Here are some rules for this deathly feat of animal cruelty. If you ever thought of becoming a matador, I hope these realities dissuade you. In Spain, anybody can visit private ranches that raise fighting bulls and learn how to face them. In these amateur arenas heifers are used in place of bulls, and there are no killings, but this prepares you for the next level and teaches you graceful bravery skills.

 

These hints won’t make you a professional matador, but if you’ve ever been interested in the subject, this should help.

 

#1: While learning and practicing, the points of the horns should be filed or sawed off.

 

#2: Use the small cape (called ”muleta”). It is a piece of flannel attached to a two-foot wooden stick that serves as a handle.

 

#3: All bulls do not like running into walls because in their life experience they have found that it hurts.

 

Walk parallel to the heifer with the cape wide open, and keep your back to the wall. When you’re fifteen feet away from the animal, shake the cape and shout “Hey bull.” His reaction will be to charge. Face the animal and have the cape extended in his path. Do not move! The color and size of the cape will attract the heifer. While he’s charging, don’t do anything that  will distract him from the cloth. Once the animal goes through it, don’t just stand there, but be prepared for the second charge. Move three or four steps back to

give you more room in case of a sudden charge.

 

If he’s slow and is just looking around, you can provoke a charge by moving a step towards the center of the ring shaking the cape.

 

You gain points with style and fearlessness.

 

Repeat this act a few more times, then retire to the safety of the protective barriers.

 

Now you see how hard it is to kill a cow. I hope you’ve lost interest. Olé!

 


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